Messed Up Prophecy
by MeganG
Summary: This is one messed up prophecy. Draco calling Lucius Daddio and Narcissa Mommy, a Hispanic maid named Figi and Draco having to marry a muggle named Megan Greenrose! Please RR and don't be to harsh! HAVE FUN !
1. Meet the Malfoys

I have to give credit to my friend emily because she wrote the beginning of this story up until "YOUR BURNING MY MASTER'S EYES" and gave me inspiration to write more funny and random things !

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The sun set slowly on that day in December, I recall, as I was watching it from the balcony.

"FIGI!" I called. A Hispanic woman came to the window.

"Si?" she asked.

"I want a Firewhiskey."

"Si?"

"I want a Firewhiskey, Figi."

"...si?" I sighed.

" HABLA INGLES, YOU WHORE?"

"Si!"

" Then get me a fucking Firewhiskey!"

"Si, you whore!" I smacked my palm against my forehead and walked off the balcony.

"Drackey!" A woman I affectionately call "Mommy" yelled from the eightieth floor.

"YES MOMMY?"

"Your daddy wants to talk to you!"

"But Daddy hits me when he's angry."

"But he's smiling!"

"OH OKAY!" Excited about the fact that I might be getting a piece of candy tonight, I rushed down those ninety-eight flights of stairs separating the eightieth floor and me. Obviously, I arrived on the eightieth floor two days later.

"Yes Daddy?" No one was there.

"Aw, shucks." Frightened that I just said ''aw, shucks", a cowered in the corner until Figi found me.

"Here's your Firewhiskey, senor."

"Thanks, Figi. Have the night off."

"OLE!" She then salsa'd out of the room, making me giggle like a Catholic school girl.

"Draco," my father said, entering the room.

"DADDY!" I cried. But then I stopped. He wasn't smiling. I started to cry.

"NOT THE BELT AGAIN, DADDY!"

"No, Draco. And Merlin, you're freaking nineteen years old. You can stop calling me Daddy now."

"Okay Dad-...uhh...Daddio." Daddy smacked his palm against his forehead (like father like son) and proceeded.

"Draco, you will marry a muggle girl."

"WHAT." My childish instincts went away and puberty set in. Then hate. Then nausea.

"Yeah, that's right. I went there."

"Why?"

"It was in some prophecy or something. So...yeah. Well, have a nice life!" Lucius (I refuse to call him Daddy anymore) boogie'd out of the room, leaving me to cry. Then Lucius boogie'd back into the room.

"Megan Greenrose is her name, and being a bitch is her game." A pause.

"Well... HAVE FUN!" He boogie'd out.

"MAY GOD SMITE YOU, LUCIUS ARMANDO MALFOY!" I then realized my father's middle name was 'Armando' and I started to giggle again. I will call him 'Mandy' for now on.

"Hello? Is it me you're looking for?" A voice sang from the hallway.

" YES! IT IS YOU!" I yelled. Then I realized that made me sound homosexual so I stopped. A girl appeared in the doorway, and I became heterosexual again. She was drop dead gorgeous, and I promptly fainted. Drop dead gorgeous, literally.

" SENOR MALFOY! WAKE UP!" I opened my eyes slowly to see Figi slapping that girl from the doorway.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!"

"I don't know!" the girl cried. Figi glared at her in that Mexican way of her. It made me want some tacos.

"Figi, get me some tacos. AND YOU! IS IT REALLY YOU I AM LOOKING FOR?"

"Uh...maybe. My name is Megan. And...uh...well. Yeah. You can call me "Master"."

"OO;" I said. I then realized you couldn't say a face. Well, you can say 'a face', but you couldn't say...that...I'm going to stop now.

"Uh, I mean...Megan. You can call me Megan."

"Okay." An awkward pause fell upon the room.

"HERE ARE YOUR TACOS, SENOR!"

"Care to have a...taco?" I said suavely.

"Eh, I'm allergic."

"What, to tacos?"

"No, to...well...Mexican...food. And the country. And Mexicans." She stared at Figi.

"I'm Puerto Rican!"

"Oh! So if I ate you I wouldn't get hives."

"You might get Hepatitis B, but not hives!

"YAY!" Then Megan and Figi salsa'd 'til the break of dawn and back. Figi broke her ankle when she fell into the break of dawn, but it was easily healed. When they got back, two other girls were with them.

"Who are you?" I say.

"I'm Emily!" the PRETTIER one said.

"And Y-OH GOD YOU'RE HIDEOUS!" The other girl sobbed.

"No, that's my nickname. My real names Marisa." Figi walked up to Marisa.

"YOU ARE BURNING MY MASTER'S EYES."

"OH GOD I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" the tall girl sobbed. Then she preceded to jump out of the window. Everyone rushed over to the edge.

"I'm ok!" she stumbled slightly and then fell flat on her face into some dog crap.

"OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"I didn't know you had a dog," Figi said.

"Aw it comes and goes as it pleases I give it Kibbles 'N' Bits and sometimes he boogies, salsas, and maceranas. He is fun to watch." Draco replied. "'Kay now everyone out so my braid. . I mean bride and I can have some time to get to know each other 'cuz were getting married soon!"

"'Kay!" and then everyone cha cha'd out of the room.

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	2. checkmate and survivor

Hey !thanks to my reviewers SiriousB1 and ODDisMyHomeboy ! Thanks a lot ! I know this story is really random but very funny ! Enjoy the next chapter !

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"Checkmate," Marisa said. 

"We are playing checkers. You can't checkmate someone in checkers."

"Oh. . . . . well then. . . . . . . . queen me!"

Emily smacked herself on the head and shook her head. Marisa was hopeless. She would just have to move to Spain and make a new life.

"God what is taking them so long," Figi sighed.

They were all waiting outside of the door just in case anything happened. So far nothing happened. Everyone was going crazy.

"I think that we should eat Marisa first." Emily suggested

"DOS!"

"What is that supposed to mean Figi?"

". . . .uhh.. . .I AGREE!"

All of a sudden Jeff Probst, from Survivor, appeared. " We shall take a vote. Emily you go first."

Emily walked up to the voting place and wrote down Marisa's name. "I know we are friends and all, but you just get so annoying." She folded it up and went to sit back down.

"Figi, you next!"

"OLE!" Figi walked up to the voting booth and wrote down Marisa's name. "She fell in dog crap. Who would want her around." She did the same as Emily and sat down.

"Marisa, your turn."

Marisa walked up to the voting booth. When she got there she was all of a sudden dressed up in a Uncle Sam suit. " I want you points to audience to vote." She wrote down Figi's name."She's Hispanic who would want her around." Then. She went and sat back down.

"I'll go and tally the votes." Walks up to get Jar and comes back down and then he pulls out the first slip of paper. "The first vote is: Marisa." Pulls out the next slip of paper."Second vote; Figi. One vote Marisa one vote Figi. I will now read the final vote." Pulls out last piece of paper. " Marisa. I'm sorry but you are voted of the island please bring me your torch and then you will leave."

"I don't want to live anymore!" Marisa jumps out of the window and then runs off into the sunset. A little later she reached the place where the author didn't feel like writing about so it just cut off. Of course Marisa fell into it and is now screaming and flailing into a sea of nothingness.

"OK, that was a little creepy."

"SQUANDER" Emily shouted.

"Whatever," Figi sighed.

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Did you have fun ! I know I did . Please RR ! Have fun with the next chapters ! They will be hilarious ! And just as random ! 

love ya

megan !


	3. JACKAL !

"JACKAL, JACKAL, IT'S A JACKAL. JACKAL, JACKAL." Emily shouted

"Time." the ghost they met said. His name was Mr.Smittywarbenyankermanjensen. He also brought his friend along named Mr.P. They were playing pictionary.

"If it wasn't jackal the first time why the hell would it be jackal all the other times. GOD DAMMIT!" Figi swore. She threw the board and then stormed off to dance because dancing always made her feel better.

Draco and Megan still haven't come out of the bedroom and it has been three days.

"WHAT THE HELL COULD THEY BE DOING IN THERE,"Emily wondered. There have been noises but not a lot.

Finally after forty days and forty nights, they came out. Draco now looked like the late Professor Dumbledore, with his long beard and white hair. . . . . wait. . . .how did he get white hair. Isn't it blonde. Oh well. Back to the story. And Megan just looked really tired and old.

"What were you doing in there," Figi asked. She had danced and then made quesadillas and chimie chongas for everyone to eat.

"Oh nothing. Just getting to know each other a lot more."

"No really, what were you doing."

" TALKING!"

"Fine just remember. God sees everything and knows everything. He is watching, always watching. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ok. Just a little creepy."

"There you two are." Lucius said as he just entered the hallway. "Figi!"

"Si!"

"Make me some chime chongas."

"Si"

"I was beginning to think that you would never come out. Well now that you are I have a question for you. Are you ready to rock."

"YES!"

"Well to bad you can't right now we have wedding plans to take care of!"

"Awww great! This is going to be fun"

"Oh I can't wait! You are going to look soo pretty in a wedding gown." Lucius starts jumping up and down like and excited Catholic school girl.

"Calm down. . . . . .MANDY!"Draco said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Oh yes I went there. Funny how things tend to come back on you."

"Well anyways let's start planning the wedding!"

Everyone; I'm soo excited to get started.

"Well then let's go!"

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Sorry that these are so short! Promise that they will get longer soon! Please RR! Thanks!

Megan


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE!

AUTHORS NOTE !

Listen I know that I'm off to a good start, but I'm getting writer's block! If you have any ideas please let me know so I can get on with the story! I have some ideas for stuff, but I need some to get it started with! PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS TELL ME! I have serious writer's block here!

Love ya!

Megan


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